Day 161 - Humming

 

"Hope means to keep living amid desperation"

and to keep humming in the darkness."

Henri J. M. Nouwen

After a very late night, I finally laid down to rest close to 3 am this morning. I had the foresight to turn off my cell phones, but I neglected to shut off the home phone, so I was awakened from my sweet repose way too early! The caller was a friend, otherwise I would have ignored it, and besides which I needed a wake up call, and God kindly sent one. He is faithful.

I realized, however, that my solemn promise not to work on my day off is compromised every time I go past 12 midnight on Tuesday and when I make five work-related phone calls the morning of my (supposed) day off.  If I don't escape this place I may have more calls, so I finally took the phone off the hook, until I am walking out the door for my lunch date.  I am having lunch with two of my gal friends who love to drag me out of the house on a regular basis, Flo and Sharon. We do not discuss work, and we giggle A LOT!

"The miracle of joy is this: It happens when there

is no apparent reason for it. Circumstances may call

for despair. Yet something different rouses itself

inside us.... We are able to remember what the sunrise

looks like.... We remember God. We remember He is love.

We remember He is near."

Ruth Senter

Each day I am reminded and encouraged by choosing to see the blessings, regardless of how my mental outlook for the day has been running. It's okay to get down at times, as long as we can rise above these moments with praise and thanksgiving. On my lowest days I am always in the company of my Best Friend, and He is a constant strength and source of hope for me. On the worst of worst days I can courageously (with a smile on my face) visit with others, giving them encouragement and strength in the midst of their struggles, because, although happiness is fleeting, joy is the fruit of the Spirit, and satan will never steal my joy! The Bible states that "The joy of the Lord is our strength," and it is emphatically a truth we can trust as much so as the fact that He loves us!

He floods my mind and heart each day with melodies of praise from wonderful times I've had in my past service to Him, and my heart overflows with joy beyond any understanding listening to music from today's contemporary praise artists and the old hymns of stalwart courage and devotion.

"The people came. They came out of the cul-de-sacs and office

complexes of their day. They brought Jesus the burdens of 

existence, and He gave them not religion, not doctrine, not 

systems, but rest. As a result, they called Him Lord. As a result

they called Him Savior."

Six Hours One Friday

by

Max Lucado

Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are wear and burdened (heavy-laden), and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)  I need these days of rest in order to keep my perspective fresh and hopeful. It's important to have fun, to enjoy our family, friends, and to make new ones. I always feel better when I can make someone smile, ease their suffering, or just work along beside them in accomplishing a needed goal be it mental or physical. An honest day's work will not kill you...it makes you stronger, perhaps not so much in the physical sense, but definitely in the emotional, mental, and spiritual sense of the word. Reaching out to help someone who needs a friend is much needed!  Being a voice for those without a voice, or teaching a victim to have a voice is a privilege. We need to work together, sharing the burdens imposed on many forms of injustice, but ultimately laying the burden down at the feet of our Comforter, who takes away our heavy burdens and gives us rest.

Day 160 - Survival

As I was praying this morning I asked God how I could describe yesterday, as this is yesterday's blog today. Besides the fact that I worked until 1:30 am trying to catch up, and only accomplishing a literal "drop" in the bucket, I still accomplished a tremendous amount of work. Trouble is that I over-extended myself last week and this week, so I have to hustle a bit faster! Nonetheless, it gets done eventually. Unfortunately, I have two more "over-extended" days to go, so I need a little breathing room from here on out!

The "thought" I arrived at for last night was that of survival...because that is what life is about these days for me, muddling through the day with a few brain cells revived and a little strength left for the next to come. God tells us not to worry about the next day, only to keep our focus on the moment, and trust Him to carry us through. Well, that's my interpretation of it.  All about trust, as each day should be.

Point is...I survived another day...with a smile on my face!

Day 159 - Once Again

"We can make up our minds whether our lives in

this world shall...be beautiful and fragrant like 

the lilies of the field."

Father Andrew

I'm always amazed at the way my days go by. Mondays are the beginning of crazy weeks, but just because the day may be discouraging, that does not mean that the day is bad. Nor do I hate Mondays. I think Mondays can be the beginning of great adventures, or maybe not. Still Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and the rest of the days are fleeting moments in time, given a specific name, each with a definite purpose in time.

My mother loved to cross stitch, and she gave me one, that now hangs on my daughter's wall, that says, "Happiness depends on ourselves." I have often thought about that quotation, wondering where she found it, who said it, and what she meant by it. I think too much sometimes, about a great many things. But happiness is just an emotion, I believe, and we are responsible for our emotions.

Wherever we go there is beauty all around us, if we are willing to look and see. No matter how bewildering my day may become, there's always something that is wonderful about it. There's always something to smile about, dream on, and heed. Life's lessons - sometime a bit too much to handle, and then, we do just fine. It's all in perspective. I think that's what our dear Father Andrew meant.

I'm not certain if this Father Andrew is the one who founded Open Doors Ministry, of which, yep, I was a part many years ago. I used to have a bulletin board with the faces of all the imprisoned martyrs of the faith, and I'd pray faithfully for each one. Another memory. Seems God is bringing my life back to me, slowly, purposefully. Whatever His purpose for me, at least He is reminding me of the great ways I spent my time, not sheltered from the world, but very much aware of the needs that still exist. I guess I'm not done yet!

I thank God for memories.

Day 158 - All in All

Generally, before I begin my day, I spend time reading the word of God, sitting in His lap, talking about he needs of others, praying, seeking, knocking...but, this morning I was in a rush to get out the door as I felt compelled to get to church regardless of my physical feelings. It wasn't easy, but, although a bit late, I made it. There were only a few people there, staggered across the small chapel, but the Spirit of God was present. Children were not present, but the spirit of a child was there. Vacation Bible School begins in the sister church this week, followed next week by the church here in Velarde. A missionary team from Texas is sent each year to minister at the church, and although the turnout is sometimes less than the year before, I pray that this year we rock the house and the village! God is the God of the impossible!

I returned home, and thoughts were here and there as I remembered things from the past. In church we sang some simple praise songs, "Majesty," "Glorify Thy Name," and "You Are My All in All." Listen to the words of "You Are My All in All:"

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all

Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name 

Jesus, Lamb of God 

Worthy is Your name
Oh, Your name is worthy

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising again I bless Your name
(I bless Your name)
You are my all in all
(Oh yes you are, yes you are)

When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup
(You fill my cup)
You are my all in all
(My all, Lord, hallelujah)

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
(Oh, Your name, Your precious name is worthy, Lord)
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

You're my everything
The beginning and the end
The first, the last You are
The great I am

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
(Oh, my Jesus, my precious Jesus)
Worthy is Your name

Worthy is Your name
Worthy is Your name

This is another one of the YWAM songs from early days that floods my soul with praise. Nice memories.I posted the song on FB so you can enjoy them if you feel so inclined.

My mind wanderings have been varied today, but tonight as I finish up my reading before going to bed I find another memory from the beloved author of Anne of Green Gables:

"Isn't it splendid to think of all the things there are to find

out about? It just makes me feel glad to be alive - it's such an 

interesting world. It wouldn't be half so interesting if we knew all

about everything."

Lucy Maud Montgomery

I'm with Lucy on that one...life is interesting, and we still have so much to learn. I hope I never run out of things to experience in this life, and I hope I never get too tired or feel too old to learn. You know my inspirations well enough from my blogs, so I know I will always be reading as long as I can see, and I'll always be trekking the back roads as long as I can drive or walk or crawl.  I want to live my life to the fullest, never afraid to try something new, aware of my surroundings, and always open to a move of God. I'm waiting for revival, and it's coming! Ready or not, Jesus is on the move!

I never tire of listening to Brennan speak about the love of God. Today he was sharing about Jesus walking up to me or you saying:

"I know your whole life's story, every skeleton in your closet. I know every moment of sin, shame, dishonesty, and degraded love that has darkened your past. Right now I know your shallow faith, your feeble prayer life, your inconsistent discipleship. Nothing is hidden from My eyes. And My word is this: I dare you to trust that I love you just as you are and not as you should be, because you're never gonna be as good as you should be."

Wow! Isn't it nice to lay the pretenses down at His feet?! He sees EVERYTHING, and He love us still! Being real. Refreshing! Reminds me of another memory, something I've shared before from another "friend," something that embodies the entire concept of a ragamuffin lifestyle, or so I think it does....

“The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." 

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

During the course of a lifetime we build up so many memories, some so wonderful they play over and over in our minds. Others, not so great, we need to lay down at the foot of the cross, as Jesus is the only one who can carry those loads. He died to take all the garbage and bury it once and for all. I try not to visit those places in my mind. Little good can ever come of nursing old wounds, allowing them to bust open and re-fester.

Today I am going to sleep thinking on the good, the pure, the lovely, the things of a good report. So tomorrow I can wake up renewed and strengthened, relying on my All in All Sufficient One to carry me. Thank You, Abba, for the memories.

My Day

I have enjoyed an afternoon in the company of two men I admire, both now with Jesus, surrounded by His glory. Rich Mullins and Brennan Manning. I never tire of listening to Rich's music, and both Rich and Brennan sharing their testimonies so transparently. I hope I can be that way always, regardless what others may think. Doesn't really matter as long as Jesus gets the glory. After all, it's His story I tell...His wonder-working story of grace as He works to transform my life into His own. He never tires, no matter how long it takes for me to surrender my will. The point is I will always surrender, because I know He loves me, and His way is far better than anything I could come up with in all my imaginings. Isn't He lovely?! Isn't He beautiful?!

 

I am reminded of another man of God who lived his life openly and unashamedly for God, Keith Green. He was a musician and a minister just like Rich. Keith and Melody Green started the Last Days Ministries of which I was a small part long ago. Those were the days of my radically free life when I never stopped, nor tired. God protected me from many disappointments in those days, as He continues to try to shield me now. Still there's a time and season for all things, and I believe He's priming me up more fast paced days ahead. So rather than slow down at age 65, I guess my engine will rev up a bit faster. Can hardly wait to see what God has planned for my life! This restlessness is hard to handle at times, but then God needs my full surrender, and somehow I guess I'm still letting some things get to me, but we're working on it.

 

Today was a good day.  I didn't really accomplish a lot in the way of tasks I had on paper, but I spent the day with Abba, remembering and building memories.  Thank You, Lord Jesus.

Day 157 - Childlike Trust

"Quit looking at life like an adult and see

it through the eyes of a child."

Max Lucado

 

 I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive

the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.

Mark 10:15

I believe that a child, when allowed to be a child, is utterly free and fearless to love, trust, accept, and live life the way we were created to enjoy it. As a young child in elementary school, although I experienced some disquieting things, for the most part I could escape into "my world" alone with Jesus, my best friend even then, and experience joy, laughter, happiness, the latter often transient.

Even if I felt something was remiss outside the shelter and safety of my world or that moment in time, still I was free.

As I've shared, I used to read a stack of books on the weekend and dreamed of life as a Burma surgeon, of being captured by the Apaches who raised me to live a better life, adapting simple, honest ways, or adrift on the open sea. I'd climb into my watch tower (a tree) and glance across the treetops of my Grammy's and Papa's property, and I'd mentally journey far away on a great adventure. You may be thinking all I did was waste time as a child, but I assure you, I never wasted time.

One of my fondest memories was visiting the country store in Sutherland run by Tom and Mary Puryear, then racing up the lane as fast as my little legs would carry me to spend time with Mary's mama, Mrs. Slate, who was sick, on bed rest. I loved visiting her as much as she enjoyed having me come. She'd entertain me with stories, and she'd have me pull out her ribbon and lace box with more stories associated with each one. I adored her, and she responded with love. Life was better then. Who could ask for more...a ribbon from Mrs. Slate and a button from my Grandmother. A home constructed of fallen leaves and sticks, and a stick horse to carry me safely to my destinations. I don't know which I loved the most the stick horses or my birch tree stallion. I was a swinger of birches and any other species of tree I encountered willing to grant me the thrill of the ride. 

My mama told me I was a monkey, and if I didn't stop climbing trees my feet would grow like monkey feet. Somehow it never stopped me, but then I was not one to give up easily. She also warned me that I'd develop hemorrhoids if I didn't stop sitting and laying on rocks reading. Since I really never understood the connection, I wasn't bothered by the thought. Thankfully, her curse never took root. TMI (too much information) you may be thinking.

I've never been afraid of many "things" or threats. I have glimpses of a memory as a young child. I am standing in my little red wagon starring down at a snake that is coiled below me. I see in my mind's eye my aunt (Libbie she was then called) running to my rescue with a hoe with which she proceeded to mercilessly hack that poor moccasin to bits before it ventured too much closer to me. I guess I'm still a bit of a dare devil even to this day, but I love the freedom it offers. It's okay to be "free," but not reckless.

Somehow over the past few years, and especially the past six months, the child in me has ceased to dream. The wonder of it all has almost drifted out of sight, but then there's enough stubbornness in me to not give up. But I've been up and down, in and out, desperately seeking to understand and grasp hold of the vision God keeps bringing back to my mind, when all I want is a simple answer.

My favorite times, the most freeing ones, are when I'm traveling to Abiquiu, Santa Barbara River in Penasco, or the Sanctuario de Chimayo to sit by the quiet waters amidst red hills (Abiquiu), rocks and dense forest foliage (Santa Barbara) or fields of grassy meadows and farmland (Chimayo) with friendly horses to enjoy, at peace. My area of New Mexico truly is God's country, and I invite you all to visit me in my world. Here you find release, enjoy simple pleasures, gentle breezes, and some great food. You may encounter some not so friendly wildlife, but as long as you respect their turf and don't invade their space, you'll be okay. You'll even see snow in June (sometimes later) as my photo taken on Tuesday in Truchas will confirm:

My daughter and younger son both love this land, but times and events have changed, yet even so, I still dream, and I trust God, as a child, knowing He doesn't lie, regardless of the appearance of things. What He says is good enough for me, and I have entrusted my children to His safe keeping, where they remain. On that rock of truth I stand.

Over the past three days I have not looked at emails, nor have I answered the phone unless it was work related. I've avoided anything or anyone who may disturb the peace I so badly need. But, I have made my bed daily, eaten at the table twice, opened a few blinds and curtains, watered my sadly neglected plants, cleaned out the refrigerator, and had lunch dates with my friend twice in one week. I even purchased poster board for a children's art project I've been planning for some time. Slowly, Linda is coming back to life, the child within, free to "be."

As I sit here I have a smile on my face, remembering, imagining, visualizing mostly because Jesus is here beside me, and we're enjoying the memories together. He slips His arm around my shoulders and bids me to let go and leave things to Him. As God speaks to me I hear the words: "Jesus never had a place to lay His head, a place on earth called "home," yet look how He managed, just as I have always taken care of you. That will never change, My child, regardless, come what may, trust Me." To which my smile broadens, and I gaze more intently into the eyes of my Savior and say, "I will, Lord, I will. Come what may, I will."

Day 156 - Clarity

God speaks in mysterious ways! Thursday and again on Friday while listening to the Christian radio station I heard someone saying that a car's headlights throws a beam that lights the way 150 feet ahead allowing enough clarity to hopefully avoid a mishap. I guess I'd never considered it, and thankfully, I've been safe thus far in my travels...for the most part! Next he quotes one of my favorite verses of scripture from Psalm 119:105:

Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light to my path.

The speaker goes on to relate the similarities of having a physical headlamp lighting your way on the road ahead to keep you from making wrong turns, losing your way, and the possibility of an accident and God's revealing His way, His truth and His light to give us direction in our lives and to reveal his purpose in and through us. It's a perfect illustration, and one I am thankful to pass along, so that life doesn't get too wild and crazy in an already sane world.