Day 31 - Song in My Heart

Today is the end of my March personal challenge in chronicling how God is preparing me today for tomorrow's battles.  God continues to show His faithfulness to me and reinforce His words about trusting Him and keeping my eyes fixed on Him no matter what is happening around me.  I have praised Him during the daily battles involving my work, my family, my health, and my future.  Satan has attempted to cause chaos not only in the lives of my family members, but he has also attacked my friends and their loved ones.  He is a defeated foe, but he never rests.  My hope is that in sharing my journey I have encouraged and strengthened the faith and resolve of each person who has read my blogs.  My only desire is to bring Him praise.

When I began this journey God gave me the song, Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)  by United as His call and His promise to me.  As I end this blog, He reminds me again of the song, which I hear daily as I go to sleep, as I rest, as I pray. I share it again along with the link encouraging you to make it your song:

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)

by

United

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

(Chorus)

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

(Chorus)

 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior 

(Chorus)

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGRz2BJQRXU

It is my prayer that you will listen to the words of this song and that God will engrave them upon your hearts as He has engraved upon mine.  He calls us out from the comfortable places in our lives, and He asks us to trust Him, especially when we see no clear path, no sure answer.  But we have His faithfulness, His love, and His promise as our assurance that He will never fail us.  We have this message to share with the world in His strength.  Satan wants to cripple us, to isolate us, to make us doubt, but we have God's promise, and these words to encourage us to keep our eyes above the waves and rest in His embrace.  I pray you continue to stand as I stand with you. 

Day 30 - Thank You, Lord

Wasn't able to sleep last night as I was in much pain.  It has been awhile since I've had this much pain, but finally I was able to get a few hours of sleep, so I woke up more refreshed than when I laid down. Not sure what triggered the trouble, but I am hoping my reprieve from years of chronic pain is not over.  Still in all I have no complaints as my life has been... unexpected.

This morning I turned on the television at the hotel and was listening to an Albuquerque pastor, Ron Carpenter, speaking about the general unhappiness of people, including church folks.  We who know so much, who have experienced so much grace fail to see the daily blessings all around us. We bemoan what we don't have all the while missing what is obvious.  We wake up each morning, breathing, we are able to attend church services freely, we can read our Bibles without being tortured, shot, imprisoned.  We have so much freedom, liberties abound, and yet we tend to focus on what we don't have.  He reminded us that John the Baptist preached "Repent, for the kingdom of God is nigh."  We know as Christians that the kingdom is within each of us, because of salvation, His grace.  And yet it is not enough.  What else do we need?!

I am so thankful that God cares for me daily, gives me a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear, a job that provides my needs, and more importantly allows me to give back to others.  I am so rich!  We all are!  We need to "think on the good, the pure, the lovely, the things of a good report...if there is any virtue, any praise, think on these things" rather than focusing on what we don't have, what we want.  He makes sure we have all we need, and then some, as long as we put Him first..."Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, then...!"  

I had to ask God to forgive me, because I wasn't looking forward to returning to work tomorrow, but I should be thanking him that I have a job to return to, that I am physically and mentally able to work, and that people count on me, trust me, respect me, because they know I am His.  God has given me an amazing opportunity, a mission field ripe for harvest, and I get to meet Him every day in this field of plenty.  So I say, "Thank You, Father, for entrusting me with this great wealth of souls who desperately need to know they have a Savior who loves them and who came to set them free."

Praying you have a wonderful rest of the day and that your Monday begins with a Hallelujah!

Day 29 - Home Again

I breezed into Albuquerque at about 10:40 pm very tired and hungry.  I ate a feast of kettle chips with sea salt, Pepsi, and chocolate fudge compliments of my sister's church bazaar today.  I am ready to find a pillow!  I decided to stay in Albuquerque tonight as Velarde is about two and a half hours of travel time, and I am not up to the test tonight.

I enjoyed my short time in Virginia, and it made me realize I do miss home.  As I begin my week I intend to do a lot of soul searching regarding my next step.  I know I have three full weeks ahead of me, plus a few surprises I am certain will come my way from changes made while I was away.  I hope I am up to the challenge.

One thing I know for sure is there are no easy changes in life, especially when you begin to grow older.  Being alone has advantages and disadvantages, and I admit to wishing I had a strong right hand to guide me along, in the natural sense.  But I also know that God has brought me this far, for many years, and He hasn't failed me yet, and He never will. 

I sat next to a mother and father traveling with young children who sat in front of us.  The mother was reading Divergent as her son wanted to read it, and she wanted to make sure it was suitable.  I resisted the urge to speak up, as you know I already know about this book and the two sequels.  I heard her tell her husband that it seemed to be okay, and I noticed it was hard for her to stop reading.  She'll probably stay up  later tonight to finish it, as I confess it is hard to put down. I was happy she was concerned about what her impressionable young son was reading.  Well done, mama! 

One of my favorite Christian writers is Ted Dekker.  If you enjoy thought provoking thrillers, he is your man!  A friend in Virginia, who is also a fan of Dekker's, gave me his book, Obsessed, so I am eager to begin reading it.  It promises to be another fine read.

Well, for tonight this is a wrap, as I need to go to sleep.  Catch ya tomorrow!

Day 28, Part 2 - The Movie

As promised...my sister, her son, Jesse, and I went to see God's Not Dead. It was brilliant!  Nothing like what I expected, and I expected a lot!  There were side stories, which there usually are, that collide in ways we do not expect.  Not all endings are happy, but they are thought provoking. Everything comes together in the end and just proves what we already know...God is in control, and although His ways are not always what we were hoping for, He has a purpose.  So please, if you get the chance, see the movie.

While you're at it...if you have Netflix, watch Brother White.  The pastor in God's Not Dead is also the pastor in Brother White. It's about an associate pastor at a mega church who is sent off to pastor an inner city church in Atlanta.  Unbeknown to the pastor the church is on the verge of being closed down, so Brother White has more than his work cut out for him. So he along with his children and wife, Lily, head off to their new post in Atlanta expecting great things.  It's really a fun movie, and you will laugh and probably cry, but you will be encouraged and blessed.

So much for movies.  When I return home I will no doubt catch Divergent, the first of a trilogy.  If it's anything like the book, it will be time well spent.  I am a Hunger Games enthusiast, so although different, this one is destined for great reviews as well!  I can hardly wait!

Until tomorrow, happy movie watching!

Day 28 - Never Look Back

"I know the thoughts that I think toward you,"

says the Lord,

"thoughts of peace and not of evil,

to give you a future and a hope."

- Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)

Reading the promises of God is what gives me courage in times of weakness, strength to continue in spite of hardships or continuous trials.  It seems I missed some things while I was raising my family...important things.  Things happened that can not be reconciled from a human standpoint. Sometimes I wonder if I slept part of my life and missed portions of it, as I have recollections but no clear picture.  I have been asking myself "where was I?"  I asked this same question to my son,  Why didn't I know?"  "Where was I?" To which he said, "surviving."  

The answer I am sure is in my journals.  I poured my heart, soul, dreams into my journals, my letters to God, prayers for my family.  I still journal.  It seems silly at times, because I write to God who is right there with me, as I talk to Him all the time.  Sometimes there doesn't seem to be a distinction between our conversations and my prayers.  Some people have a blue tooth stuck in their ear always on their phones, but I am tuned into God.  Guess it appears strange to people who are driving by or walking past, but I am pretty oblivious to what is happening around me when I am lost in thought and prayer.  But things I am hearing and seeing, things I read in lyrics or hear in songs, see on faces...heart cries of anguish, disbelief that God hears and cares, are becoming deafening, often without a word being spoken.  If the ones who are put in our lives to protect us cannot hear above the noise or see what is there before them, however covered up, what is the point?!

For most of my life I was so ill that it became "normal", especially the daily migraine headaches.  My daddy would take me to all kinds of doctors which put a strain on the family budget since we were not well to do.  It took many surgeries, tests, years of chronic pain, most of my adulthood spanning greater than five decades to begin to put my physical body and health back together again.  In all that time God was faithful. I worked to help support the family, or myself once I was alone, and during my working years I never missed a day of work or was otherwise inactive that I recalled.  I had to go on, regardless of how much pain I felt or how little sleep I had.  I was, and I am , a survivor by the grace of God alone.

I have visited the island of shattered dreams in my own life, and daily I think about what it is I need to do now, to pick up those pieces and re-connect the dreams.  During my survival mode I passed up opportunities dropped into my lap, not recognizing the gift at the time, because I was too occupied with getting through the day, my self-esteem plastered to the floor.  This week I learned of stolen dreams, those ripped apart by the thoughtless acts, unsolicited comments, or malicious words of another.  I hadn't recognized this personality, this side of satan's well conceived plan, not this intimately. We've spoken of words, and how they murder, maim, otherwise cripple or paralyze us.  Once the damage is done it is next to impossible to overcome the hurt, the debasement, and eventually the defilement of our self worth.  I have fallen prey to so much of that in my life, and I have witnessed it, and still to this day I see it used against the people I hold most dear.  And it infuriates me that satan thinks he can continue to take away the dreams we have been given by our loving Savior.

God shared something with me about this again this morning. He said there is a difference between shattering and merely fracturing.  He reminded me of my medical training and practical applications we see in everyday life, shattered versus cracked glass.  You know the saying, "being blown to hell?"  Well, this is what we are talking about in the spiritual sense of the words.  As I thought about the depth of his message to me, a storm raged within me against the enemy. I get so tired of his manipulations in my life, but do NOT mess with my family, my friends.  Do NOT go there satan!  God quietly reminded that whereas satan is the father of lies, He is the Author and Finisher of our faith.  And whereas satan is the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy, He has come to bring life and not only that but life "abundantly."

Satan can only stir up strife, try to make us doubt, make us feel less than we are, but we do NOT have to believe his lies.  I have a dear friend who is always reminding me of what God says about me.  And she is so right!  Things happen in life, tragedy, death, things we do not understand that make us doubt God's goodness, His very presence in our lives, but do not allow yourself to wander to that realm.  We see through a glass darkly, the Bible says.  I recently shared with a friend about a tragedy in her life, one that she relives daily, that what we see as the end of dreams or the taking of a life is often the saving of a life.  We either choose to trust God or live in defeat.  We look beyond the lies.

I have spent the majority of my life trying to overcome a defeated life, but as I live longer, grow stronger in my faith and personal walk with Jesus daily, I begin to truly see, perhaps vaguely, but I see, I believe, I trust, I "know".  Do not listen to the lies of the enemy, grab the hand of the Bearer of Truth, and never look back, only forward!

Day 27 - My Day

The clock is ticking on my visit in Virginia as well as my March challenge for blogging.  Time certainly does go by quickly, but that is life in these times.  The clock is revving in more ways than one!  I spoke with a friend from New Mexico today, and I am thinking I may be back sooner than planned, even if it is only for another visit.  Changes are adrift at home, and more change is not something I look forward to with a lot of excitement.  So we shall see.  For now I have a few more days to enjoy without thinking about work, as my son reminded me just awhile ago.  After all we're not supposed to worry about what tomorrow brings, right?! 

Today I spent some time with my son doing a little shopping, making enchiladas together, and watching a movie at home.  He was sceptical about my choice of the movie, as it was an Arnold Schwarzenegger recent film, and as you know Arnold is getting up there in age, like the rest of us, so my son thought the movie would not be as action packed.  Let's just say he was very pleasantly surprised, and he will not be so quick to judge people based on age much less my recommendations.  Age has its advantage, and we can be very entertaining!

Tomorrow I am going to the movie theater with my sister to see God's Not Dead with Kevin Sorbo. Remember the old Hercules series from television?  Well now Kevin Sorbo performs in Christian films, and from the trailer, this movie promises to be inspirational and faith building.  I hope you'll get the opportunity to check it out.  You will not be disappointed.  We'll be at Southpark Theater in Colonial Heights at the 1:40 pm if you care to stop by and join us!

Stay tuned for a full report tomorrow.

Day 26 - Friends

Just got home from a night out with friends from my high school days - remembering times, places, faces.  When I was growing up in Dinwiddie County life was simple, school kids used pencils and paper, unlike our computerized, technology of today that does all the thinking for you.  Leaves a lot to be desired in my opinion, as kids don't know how to think or reason for themselves. Options or solutions are generated from the data input into a computer, so your only decision is which answer best fits.  It's basically the same in the work I do. I complete an assessment of functional, medical needs of a patient, then the computer auto-generates a list of problems for goal setting.  You'd think it would be helpful, but to me it is frustrating, as it never quite fits the scenario I am trying to describe.  Can't free text either.  So I fail to see the good in that!

It's almost as if we try to computerize our lives to the point of everyone fitting into these preconceived categories based on diagnoses or behaviors, intellect, all sorts of stereotypes or cliches, with the intention of making it easier.  In actuality it really confuses the issues, because I don't care how "advanced" we think we become, people cannot be neatly compartmentalized.  Life is complex, people unique, and for one I am thankful for the differences.

In our differences or similarities of thought, people connect and friendships are formed, relationships begin.  From beginning of life we learn to emulate others, adapting styles, changing, agreeing, disagreeing. The Bible says "iron sharpens iron", "faithful are the wounds of a friend".  Again this speaks of relationships, true friendships.  A true friend is a rare thing, as a true friend cares enough to tell you the truth even when it may hurt. A friend is someone who "sticks closer than a brother." Over the years I have met many people, of diverse cultures, made many friends, some closer than others.  Time goes by, we move away, lose touch, and life goes on.  But one thing I have learned is that it doesn't matter how many years it has been since you've seen each other, a true friend is a friend forever.

I have been struggling with whether I can return home after so many years of being away.  Change gets harder as one gets older, some say.  But, times like tonight, being with people I've not seen for years, as if it was just yesterday, make me believe I can come home.  So my lesson for today is about possibilities for tomorrow.  At least I know I have the support of some pretty great people! Thanks, guys!

Day 25 - My Love

Do you think God has a sense of humor?  My sister and I were discussing this today, and as you all know I definitely think He does.  It's like I can see Him as I speak many times just shaking His head, probably looking at Jesus saying, "There she goes again, that gal!  She's a mess!" which I prefer to think He means, "That's my Linda!"  When my son, TJ, played drums in band, I recall the very first parade he was in.  He was carrying this big base drum, almost as big as he was tall, struggling to keep upright as he marched and played.  When he had to push up the hat he was wearing, he'd almost lose balance he was so thin.  I remember proudly saying, "That's my son!"  Same with Daniel when he played his classical guitar in concerts, "He's my son!" My daughter, Kristie, was the orator in the family, very bold in her message.  Sound like anyone?  "That's my daughter."

We are always proud of our children as they're growing up, from learning to crawl, walk, climb, skip, jump, run!  Each landmark in their education, every step of their life, parents, especially mamas are there to cheer them on.  And if in life they take a wrong turn, we are always the ones to believe in them, hope the best, and pray for them to find their way again.  We always stand behind them, trusting God, knowing they will be okay.  He does the same for us.

The Bible says that God does not want anyone to perish, but all to come to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.  If we love our children enough to die for them, how much more does He love us, Who sacrificed His only Son for us so we could live!  I dare say we would not go as far for another.  His love is a great mystery.  Such an eternal love is difficult to grasp.  None deserving of such love.  Yet I for one want to embrace it fully, completely.

I have never really known love, true love in any sense of the word as God said it should be.  I was promised love, but mine was never quite enough.  I often wonder what would have happened had I married someone from my home town.  I never went looking for love, men always found me.  Life is interesting, but "what ifs" are just that...speculative.  And besides when I think about it, I enjoy my life as it is.  Jesus has been that one true Love of my life from childhood when I first met Him until now, as well as my Best Friend.  He's with me every step of my day, when I lay down at night, get up in the morning, go to work, or just sitting around playing pogo games and watching a movie. We have a lot of fun together, and He's got a great laugh!  He's there with me all the time, and I know He'll never leave me.  Plus if I ask Him, He'll show me the next move in a game of chess.  He likes to see me win!

Day 24 - Just Sayin'

Have you ever picked up a book and read your own words before?  Someone who thought the same things, taught the same lessons, wrote the exact same thoughts, prayed the exact same style using the Word of God as a sword?  It's like God saying, "I told you!"  To which I reply, "Yes I know you did, Lord...but!....!" and He says, "Just sayin'!"  God and I have shared in this way in several conversations over the years, even tonight. 

When you were a kid were you ever asked what you want to be when you grow up?  I once asked someone at what age does one actually know what they want to be?  How can a child know anything?  I believe that anyone, at any age can aspire to do whatever it is they want to do.  I do believe it is possible if one's heart and mind are stayed on it.  I've shared with you before in my blogs that at an early age I was inspired by an 80 year old woman in my Shakespeare class, taking it solely because she wanted to.  That was amazing to me.  I don't know if I ever spoke to her personally, but she spoke to my heart. I do not think limits should be put on education and at age a person becomes too old to learn.  I think teachers need to challenge their own minds to be able to adapt to the differences in their students, in the styles in which a person is able to learn.  When I went to college I received my best grades in accelerated summer classes where visiting professors taught the classes.  I never enjoyed government or history until I had a college professor who intertwined history with literature. History came alive because he taught how historical concepts were interspersed in every facet of our life, how the literary greats set their tones, developed their characters based on historical significance, and how the thought enfolded into the drama of life on the written page.  It made more sense when it was written into a story, a poem. It also required more imagination, more creativity to try to understand the depth of what the writer was attempting to convey.  The Age of Reason, the Age of Romanticism, the Age of Realism...periods in our history.  I was fortunate to have such great instructors who introduced me about life on the written page, and I have been hooked on reading ever since.

What we read, what we listen to, what we watch is important, as it shapes your heart, mind, your life.  This is especially important when we are trying to hear from God.  In order to understand we need to know Him, by relationship, by His Word.  In reading, studying, en-grafting (memorizing), in times of battle, we have only to lift the sword from within, and like Jesus when He was challenged in the wilderness, we say "It is written...!"  What a defense!

Day 23 - Think About It

Thoughts remain fixed on insights from yesterday. How different it is here from New Mexico, and yet the inconsistencies are common wherever one may be. I admit to being confused still, how to respond to questions posed about my place in this world. My purpose is clear, as it should be to all followers of Christ, which is to bring God glory.  Why does that offend people so?  Does it limit who we are or what we feel called to do?  It should not change who we are truly, but it should define our steps more clearly. I have always seen the world through a child's eye view.  Sometimes the honestly or clarity of what I perceive can be disconcerting, cruel at times, but always a confusion brought on by a crafty adversary.  He began his deception with the words, "Did God really say....?"  And so it continues to be.

This morning as I was talking to God I asked Him how it was that Jesus always effected lives so easily just by being, listening, seeing, responding.  Nothing is hidden from God, and even in our debauchery, He still loves each of us the same, He died the one death for all.  David was called "a man after God's own heart " and yet his life was one of war, murder, adultery, not unlike any of us, not really.  We murder with our tongues, our thoughts.  We do the same with adultery or deceit, or any of the sins of life.  It is a perception of words, and we do well to remember it.  I want to remember it, especially when I am gong to pass judgment on another.  I cannot.

While Jesus was here on earth, He showed up at a well, spoke to a despised woman, asked her for a drink of water, and he gave her the breath of new life.  Imagine that!  Not the voice of an orator, simply a heart of understanding and love.  So why is He so despised by so many today?  His message is so simple, so loving, gentle, kind, so life-giving. Many followed, lives changed, and yet...and yet the same ones on the mountainside who flocked to hear Him speak life, who witnessed the miracles and who ate from all he provided naturally and spiritually, may have been part of those in the crowds as they yelled, "crucify Him."  Are we not the same?

Day 22 - Do You Hear, Do You See?

Everywhere you go, every story you read, lyrics of music we listen to, expressions on faces, deafening noise, voices inside your head, where does the truth come? Where does the answer come? Where do you go?  Confusion. Chaos.  People want answers.  Teenagers seek acceptance, want to see consistency. Not one way, then the other.  At home, every day, church, changing, one way then another.

I have always had a tender heart for certain artists in our music scene. I've shared some of the Christian songs that have spoken to my heart; there's always a message to share, a reason behind the lyrics. It's the same with the pop music, rap music, I see beyond the persona, hear beyond the words, some very shocking, matter of fact, blatant attempts to get a point across in the only way they can...music.  We become appalled, mortified, disgusted at the suggestion or outright expression of feelings expressed so openly, seemingly without regard. Have  you ever tried to listen, to hear past the obvious?  Have you ever tried to put yourself in their shoes, or simply judged the words?  Easy to do if we listen superficially, as we often do when we encounter someone who exists outside of our definition of what is holy.

These may be shocking words to most Christians, but if  it is you may not be hearing what I am trying to say. It may sound like compromise, but I assure you it is not.  I believe in really trying to see beyond the exterior and daring to go into an area which may not be comfortable, and trying to understand.  If we as Christians don't take the time to listen, to see into the depth of a soul, how can we share hope, the life beyond the lie.  Life hasn't changed so much since Adam and Eve.  Same disregard for God's laws, same problem of wanting to do things "our way".  Why is that?  Maybe the answer comes by examining ourselves, our response. When we're asked about our faith, why we believe as we do,  we have a chance with our words, with our reaction to influence for good, for righteousness.  We can encourage or drive away by our every day example.  Who is our example?  What did He say?  How did He live?  Who did He visit?  How did He respond?

Answers come from relationship.  Relationships take time to build, but if you are seriously seeking, if you truly want to know, take the time to ask, to listen, and I know you will hear.  He will tell you what to say, where to go and how to live. I promise you, He will.  Once you hear, once you understand, once you see, you become equipped to help others who are seeking the same truth. 

Day 21 - Smiles Along the Way

Hi All,

I made it safely to Virginia!  It's late, and I am tired from the loss of two hours, plus all the hustling around, lugging suitcases.  I don't think I'd make a very good jet setter or whatever people who travel much of the time are called.  Going in and out of terminals confuses this ole lady!

I had a nice flight with cheery faces, light chit chat, uneventful with regard to long layovers or malcontents.  The weather was nice at home when I left, but I was disappointed when I didn't see snow here.  I told everyone I'd bring some home when I return, as it rightfully belongs in New Mexico!  Everyone is not as fond of the white stuff as I am, but I do enjoy making snowmen and chasing dogs and having fun.  Back in the day when I was growing up mama would make snow cream.  Do you remember those days?  We can no longer do that unfortunately, because of all the pollution, but it sure was a treat!

Just checking in tonight.  No thoughts.  Nothing to share.  Glad I had smiles to share with fellow travelers today.  Ya never know whose life you touch as you go about your day.  It can be as simple as a "hello", "how are you?",  "have a nice day!"  Remembering someone's name, and repeating it back, like "Thank you, John, you have a blessed day!" People respond in kind, I believe.  I know it makes my day when someone acknowledges me or wishes me a good day.  Words do matter, as we've said before.  Attitude speaks.

Hope your day was a blessed one, and I'm praying that tomorrow brings sunshine and laughter!

Day 20 - Come What May

As soon as I pray,  You answer me;

You encourage me by giving me strength.

Psalm 138:3 NLT

Tomorrow afternoon I board my plane in Albuquerque en route to Richmond, Virginia.  I am praying for a nice, quiet visit with my younger son, Daniel, my sister and my friends!  This is my hope and my prayer.

Each morning when I wake up I have gotten into the habit of saying "This is the day You have made, Lord, and I will be glad and rejoice in it."  Now I admit to you there are days when the "will" are half-hearted at best!  

God always has a way of surprising me with His incredible love and goodness.  As I began my quiet time with Him this morning I read these words:  "Do you want to be truly rich? You are already if you are happy and good".  1 Timothy 6:6  Next question... "Are you content today with your possessions, status, situation?" The reference is from Philippians 4: 11 - 13 which says,  "...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."  (NIV)  The King James version is my favorite which says "I can do all things...."  Do you get the distinct impression that God is preparing me for something?

Sometimes I have to giggle out loud when God is 'funning" with me.  He does have a sense of humor. There are times I will be writing something in my journal, and I'll stop and say "I know", because He's already given me the answer.  As I was praying today,  I heard clearly..."I will keep your mind in perfect peace, if it is stayed on Me."  Sound like a scripture?  It is ... Isaiah 26:3!  He is reminding me, yet again, of His faithfulness.  I guess He wanted to get His point across, because as I am taking my shower getting ready for work, I hear the song "Oceans" in my head with one portion playing over and over.  When I shared the song with you on Day 8 - The Great Unknown blog, I did not share the verses He repeated over and over and over to me this morning, until He was certain I heard Him clearly.  It goes:

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior."

This song "Oceans" (Where Feet May Fail), written by Matt Crocker, Joel Houston, and Salomon Ligthelm of Hillsong United is a very powerful piece of music.  In live worship imagine these words being sung over and over and over again as if the music was intended for your ears alone, to touch your heart only.  A chorus of angels singing to you.  This is how I felt this morning.  I became so overwhelmed with the Presence of my Father that I had to kneel and thank Him.  I don't think His message for me today was easy to miss, do you?

The question I have been asking Him for so long is "Where do you want me, Lord?"  I have within me a longing to go home, but where is home really?  Yesterday I was reminded that this world is not my home.  And Father also reminds me that Jesus didn't own a home.  Quite honestly He was a free Spirit sort of person.  I have a restlessness I cannot describe, but I am learning that the way will become clear, and I cannot be deterred from my journey into the great unknown.  Maybe to some that is reckless living, but it makes more sense to me each day.

So off I go tomorrow, and rather than think about what may be, I will remember my symphony of music and scripture, and make every effort to keep my mind stayed on Him and in perfect peace...come what may!

Day 19 - This is Not My Home

Lead me in Your truth and teach me,

for You are the God of my salvation; 

for You I wait all the day long.

Psalm 25:5

Each day is a chance to hear God's voice; each day a lesson is learned and a gift is given.  As I was traveling again today I was listening to a song by Laura Story called "Blessings" that goes:  

 
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

(Chorus)
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Chorus

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home 

  

It's  a great song, another heart cry.  We all have them; some of us more than others.  The part of the song that speaks to me is the final line, ending in "this is not our home."  Whenever I am feeling insignificant, as not belonging anywhere, all I need to do is remember those last few lines...."this is not our home."  I cannot expect people to understand my relationship with Jesus and the call I feel God has placed on my life.  All I need to do, all we each need to do, is just trust in His love and His leading.  The rest should not matter.  It is transient.  Pray for me over the next several days that when confronted, God will give me the words to speak to let others know I have purpose, and God has a plan.  I have nothing to fear.  I am His.

Thanks for the prayers!

Day 18 - My Soul Cries

My soul is overwhelmed with

sorrow to the point

of death.

Mark 14:34

Why do some people think others are immune to being hurt?  Could it be the appearance of cheerfulness in the face of negativity?  Or the ability to "snap back" come what may?  A person who chooses to walk free of the world's allure for possessions to serve people?

Phillips, Craig & Dean's song "From the Inside Out" says "My soul cries out, my soul cries out to You..." and that is my heart cry tonight. Just when things seem clearer to me, and I begin to dream again, something happens to knock me right off my solid rock to sinking sand.  Perhaps this is the answer to my soul seeking quest. I am, quite honestly, uncertain as to how this lesson for today is preparing me for future battles.  I much prefer peace.

Nevertheless...not my will but Thine be done..

Day 17 - As the Deer Pants

As the deer pants for streams of water,

so I long for You, O God.

I thirst for God, the living God.

-Psalm 42:1-2 (NLT)

 

 

 

 

I love reading The Daily Walk Bible, because it always gives me something to think about in my personal walk with the Lord. The question posed today is to reflect on what I am doing for the Lord and why I am doing it.  It is a very daunting question when you consider it.  I don't see myself as doing anything for God.  My heart's desire is to bring Him honor in my every day life, give hope, encouragement, friendship and a myriad of other kindnesses to others, but I feel that I fall so short.  As to why I do it...that's easy, because I honestly want to do His will, because He loves me.  That is all I know, and quite honestly all I want to know.

 

Sometimes it is easier for people who are on their own, without attachments, to feel that way.  Let's face it when you're married with a family, life is a bit more complex.  Sharing time is not as easy.  Or so it seems, perhaps. God created family for a reason, and we need to love and nurture one another, especially children, when they are at these tender ages.  Husbands and wives need to walk together as one, equally yoked; husbands loving their wives as Christ loved the Church; wives being adorned with inner beauty as opposed to outward adornment.  God knew exactly what He was doing! 

 

When I was married my husband and I were part of a marriage ministry, and this was a very important part of our life.  Things happened, and here I am alone, but I am content.  I think that is the important thing.  I am at peace with God at the center of my life.  So I want to nurture our relationship each day.  I fail so miserably.  I become so "busy" trying to get my work done that I often become too tired to pray or read or even write.  All of this is part of who I am and who I am called to be in my Christian walk, and I don't want to let God down.  I have already done enough of that in my life.

 

I honestly want to have time to do the work I feel He has called me to do.  This includes prayer and fellowship.  I purpose with each new day to honor Him with my words, thoughts and deeds.  To watch what I say, how I respond, how I live my life in front of others.  I had a dental appointment last week, and I was talking to the new dental hygienist about how I became a patient.  While I was living and working in Angel Fire I was attending the Baptist Church where I met my dentist, his wife and three young sons.  That was many years ago, and I have never had such a great dentist and friend.  When he came into the room the lady told him I had told her  I met him at church.  He laughed and said something about people acting differently when they are in church.  I assured him that was not the case with him, as what you saw was pretty much what you got!  He laughed, relieved and glad for the sentiment.  My older son told me that same thing about me once.  That what you saw was what you got, that I was the same all the time, no pretenses.  I hope that was a compliment.  I took it as one!

 

And this is how I want to live my life...honestly, openly.  I want to be intentional in every area of my life.  This is a pretty tall order, but definitely a life worth living.

 

 

 



Day 16 - People Need People

 "For God so loved the world

that He gave...!"

John 3:16

Today I have been trying to focus on feeling better, before I have to return to my office that is located across the house in the front bedroom.  Working from home has its advantages and disadvantages.  I am counting the days until Friday when I can leave it behind for a few days and hopefully gain a fresh perspective on my life.

This afternoon I have been writing letters to two Compassion International children my church sponsors, as well as sending cards.  I am a bit old-fashioned in that way.  I have always been better at expressing myself in writing than face to face or over the phone.  Perhaps it's because paper can't talk back, well, at least not right away.  I feel it is has a personal touch.  I don't know anyone who doesn't enjoy getting mail, whether it is snail mail, email, or a text.  When someone writes to you, doesn't it make you feel special?  Like you're worth their time?

One of my greatest disappointments is not having the time, or taking the time, to do things I really want to do, like visit the sick, take a hike with a friend, or just call someone.  Here in New Mexico where I live and in the surrounding little areas there are many churches. Each one is involved in their little corner of the woods, but the churches don't seem to get together or do things together.  I wonder at times if the pastors even know each other.  Each one seems isolated from the other, or so it appears to me.  But it doesn't stop there.  Within the churches there are the few who are at every service, every meeting, any event sponsored by that church.  With that church are cliques, those who are the chosen few, so to speak.  Sad thing is within the cliques, there isn't true intimacy, friendship, knowing each other.  Every one is encouraged to be strong, and if you show weakness, too much humanity, you can be looked upon as unholy.  So no one really says how they truly feel.  The inner struggles are hidden so as not to appear weak or lacking faith, until it ends in a person leaving the church before they are found out, or even worst, ending their life.  Inner struggle is very real and can be devastating.

I'm really proud of the little church I attend. We have so few people, but they seem to care about each other.  Not only that, but we are trying to reach out to people who need help.  It has been slow, but it is finally beginning to take root and grow.  And that is exciting.  People really do need people, as the Barbra Streisand song goes.  Children need to feel safe, loved, valued and taught how to live in this world.  Our seniors need to feel that they have stories to share or a part to play in the church, in life.  To contribute and feel appreciated, needed.  Everyone needs love and acceptance.  Isn't that why Jesus came in the first place?

Day 15 - Mind Game

Well, it is day 15 of my March challenge to keep a journal of how God is preparing me today for tomorrow's battles. I must say that since I began the daily blog as part of this journey, I have experienced daily mishaps.  Week before last I did not have access to the updated software for my job, so when I did regain access I had a backlog of work to enter and complete. I have been working late every night since Monday at 4 pm, and after working most of today I still have not finished!  Hopefully, Monday will not present any additional glitches, and I will be able to get it all done.  I sincerely hope so, as I fly out of Albuquerque on Friday around 1 pm headed to Virginia. Then I'll be off to my next adventure!

This morning, after entering my Day 14 blog, I spent some time considering words.  So, I began to play around with words, thoughts, and I came up with this:

I believe in childhood, parenthood, neighborhood, Robin Hood

Also, kinship, friendship, relationship, Lordship

 We view the world with subjectivity, objectivity, relativity, serendipity

While there is bureaucracy, hypocrisy, religiosity, mediocrity

We can choose to walk in kindness, goodness, selflessness, forgiveness

Or choose to be mischievous, devious, grievous

Okay, perhaps you are thinking that my sinus infection has finally effected my brain function, right?  Well, while that may be the case, I want you to consider the words as they are grouped together.  And I want you to tell me what comes to your mind when you read them.  Climb inside my mind, and tell me what they mean, how they relate, and why I wrote them. 

So have fun! 

 

Day 14 - Words

Do not go where the path may lead

go instead where there

is no path and 

leave a trail

 Ralph Waldo Emerson

Words are very important.  We are surrounded by words - those spoken directly or indirectly, the written page, even the thought processes contain words which bring hope, despair, build up or break down.  I have always been an avid student of literature, enjoying the prose and poetry of each age depicted in literature.  I spend most of my non-working life in my bedroom surrounded by words framed artfully on my walls.  Words that speak of my beliefs, my dreams, my fantasies, words which define "me".  Words like:

Hope sees the invisible,

Feels the intangible,

and achieves the impossible.

 Laugh as much as you breathe:

Love as long as you live.

 Trust n the Lord with all your heart

and lean not unto your own understanding...

In all your ways acknowledge Him.

He will direct your path.

  Faith is being sure of

what you hope for

and certain of what you do not see.

-Hebrews 11:1

  Family

began when

God created me.

Genesis 2:11

 Friends

a friend loves

at all times.

Proverbs 17:17

Though my path may wander up and down

My heart will stay in my home town.

A true friend is a teddy...

Nothing rears apart a friendship from the heart.

A friend knows the song in my heart

and sings it to me when my memory fails.

Each captured phrase speaks to a part of what make me who I am.  I try to surround myself with positive, encouraging, and challenging sentiments.  There's a song that says...."Words can build you up, words can bring you down..."  So much truth in those lyrics.  Sometimes we say things without thinking, and regardless of how many times we beg forgiveness or try to make up for it, these words are forever etched into the recesses of our minds.  The effect can last a lifetime if we allow it to do so.  When I was a child in grade school a teacher took me aside one day, and she made a comment that changed my life.  Over time I have proven the erroneous misconception she had of my intellect, and achieved more than most in my simple way of thinking.  Whereas I do not believe this kindly teacher meant me harm, she did not stop to think about the hurt these words could bring to a 10 years old child.  And although I quickly forgave, I could never forget.  

Words do matter.  Choose them carefully.

Day 13 - Another Day

Another day, another lesson.

I want to begin by saying that I am okay!  The battle I am fighting is being waged against my family.  I have fought my own health battles in the past, but my faith and determination got me through.  My stand and my fight are on behalf of those I love who are not able to stand and fight for themselves right now.  I believe in the power of prayer, a proper mindset, and being responsible for the life you live. That includes the whole life, meaning spirit, soul, and body.  Sometimes people get weak, and the defenses go down.  They lose the fight.  So my job right now is to walk along side and uplift.  I'll fight for them!

I work in the health and social service field, so I try to help people who are suffering with medical and mental health problems.  In our present day there are people who feel alone, unsupported, helpless.  They've been pushed aside, put down, looked over.  The world is a place of hopelessness to many, and in my case, a feeling of helplessness to get the support many need.  Consequently, people accept whatever they are told, and to many it becomes a death sentence or a stigma. 

My prayer is that I can bring hope to others who have no hope, encouragement to those who are in despair, a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, or I can simply sit in silence.  The greatest gift we can give to one another is our time.

As I shared...I have been accused of being in denial about certain pronouncements, but I guess I prefer to see the bigger picture.

Thanks for your prayers as I stand.

Day 12 - One Thing

"Your love never fails, never gives up
Never runs out on me"

lyrics from song

One Thing Remains

by Kristian Stanfill 

If you were asked to describe your life in one word, what would you say?  Without hesitation I know what I would say, "amazing!" The reason I feel that way is because of the close relationship I have had with the Lord since childhood, before I really knew Jesus as Lord.  It is that simple, childlike faith that has defined my life over the years.  I hope I never grow up if that is childish in someone's mind, because I feel secure in His love.

This morning my day began with deep thoughts, concerns about what decisions were in the making.  As I was riding down the road, true to His character, God reminded me of His ever presence in my life.  As songs of praise played on the radio,  I heard the words "He overwhelms and satisfies my soul," and once again I knew He had heard my prayers and the answers were on the way.  A smile covered my face, and I felt His love envelop me, overwhelm and satisfy.  I knew it was going to be okay, and it will.

I have been accused of living in denial, because I refused to let diagnoses dictate my life or the life of those I love.  I have heard pronouncements made against me and others using words "incurable", "cancer", "there is no way" spoken by health professionals only to stand strong and choose life over laying down in defeat.  "I can't" is replaced with "I will."   I know that faith without works is dead, and I do not plan to lay down and die or allow anyone I love to live defeated lives without a fight.  Today I have on my boxing gloves of faith.  I am an over comer, and today I make my stand!

Day 11 - Oh Happy Day

The joy of the Lord is your strength.

Nehemiah 8:10

As time draws near to the Lord's imminent return the enemy is making the most of his time by assigning discouragement, confusion and a myriad of other demonic spirits into our lives to wreak havoc wherever he can.  Even if you are not being threatened on every side you most likely know someone else who has more than a full plate.  Just read or listen to the news.  Tragedy at every turn of the page or dial of the knob.  Where do you go, where do you turn to escape?

Sunday our lay pastor talked about being happy and how research about happiness revealed that happy people lived longer, did not get sick, and on and on.  We were asked if we were happy.  I don't really have to think about that question very intently, because I am a happy person the majority of the time. If I am unhappy it doesn't take me long to get "up" again, because  I am able to laugh at myself.  Mainly I snap back very quickly, because I am not as attached to things as most people tend to be. My life is pretty simple as far as possessions go, and I prefer it that way.  I remember my mother gave me a cross stitch saying that read, "Happiness depends on ourselves."  Every time I dusted it I'd think about those words.  What most people don't really understand is that there is a difference between being happy and having joy.  Happiness is an emotion, and true to the cross stitch, it does depend on us, as we define what makes our lives happy, whether it is money, possessions, status, relationships, and other things.  But joy is part of the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22).  A gift that comes only from a relationship with Jesus as Lord.  The joy of the Lord can exist even in the worst of times, because joy has to do with trusting God's word regardless of what is happening in your natural life.  It has to do with faith.  At least that's my view on things.

I must admit that the concept can be bitter sweet at times. This evening I was faced with one of these bitter- sweet moments.  On the one side my heart was breaking, but on the other, relieved.  After a good cry I felt better, and although it is a serious situation, trusting the Lord was never an issue.  Not having the joy of the Lord as my strength didn't come to mind.  Point is because of my relationship with Jesus, knowing when I am weak, He is strong, and I am able to stand unwavering in my faith, joyful.
,
Tomorrow things will become clearer, and decisions will be made.  But that's another day, and tonight is now.

Day 10 - Rest for the Weary

I love you, O Lord, my strength.

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my

deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take

refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my 

salvation, my stronghold. I call to the Lord, who is 

worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies.

Psalm 18:2-3

It's late, and I am so very tired.  At least the day ended with my being able to access my software and begin the tedious process of entering in a week of data plus two weeks of files.  I am choosing to look at the positive over the negative that is screaming at me.  The task seems so impossible, but I know that I can overcome in God's strength.  I am learning that when I feel pushed and shoved, not certain of what to do first, I just need to ask God to help me make sense out of it.  He's pretty good at helping me prioritize my work, when I am calm enough to listen

Since defenses are down a bit this evening I decided to pop in another DVD that always lifts my spirit.  Tonight's fare is Facing the Giants.  It's a story about a high school football team with a history of losing streaks, but much more it is about life in general, about honoring God in everything we do.  The philosophy of the coach is "If we win, we praise Him, and if we lose, we praise Him."  It's about giving God our best in every area of our life, keeping our attitudes right. There's also a blip in there about blooming where you are planted until God says otherwise.  Ya think that's a little hint?  

The main theme of the story is learning to face your fears, giving God your best, and knowing that absolutely nothing is impossible with God in control.  So, if you're feeling down and discouraged about anything - your life, your health, your relationships, school, whatever, this movie will encourage your spirit and tickle  your soul.

Tomorrow may be more than I bargain for, but for tonight I am resting in the knowledge that come what may God has it under control, so I don't have to lose sleep or count sheep.

Until tomorrow, rest well!

Day 9 - Grace Abounds

 And God is able to make all grace abound

to you, so that in all things, at all times, having

all that  you need, you will abound in every good work.

2 Corinthians 9:8

After church today I went to lunch with my friend.  At first I didn't want to go back out, because I have been so tired, and I had letters to write, relaxing to do.  I'm glad I decided to go, as it gave us an opportunity to talk and share.  When I came home I wrote a few letters, pen and paper type "real" letters, and then I decided to put on a favorite movie.  Feeling nostalgic I decided to watch Faith Like Potatoes which was filmed in South Africa.  In a segment of the movie the Angus is praying in his" green cathedral," his corn field, when his pastor stops by for a visit.  The man tells his pastor that he's been talking to God.  Guess what he said next...yep, Angus felt God asking him, "Do you trust Me".  It seems that every movie I watch, each testimony I read, and every piece of music I hear is saying the same things, "Do you trust Me?" Once more I stand amazed that He cares so much for me that He has been reaffirming His promise never to leave me or forsake me.

It doesn't stop there.  Angus, whose life has been transformed, tells the people a true story, in fact this movie is based on fact.  Angus goes out praying with people who are struggling in their marriages, having problems in other ways, sharing his faith in God.  Within the next few days his total crop of maize has been razed to the ground by weather.  So he calls out to God, putting his trust in Him, and shortly thereafter, he discovers that the his crop is miraculously standing up thriving once more.  He tells the people if God cares so much for a crop of maize how much more He cares for us.  There is no limit to what God can do, if we truly believe.  He is in control.

In about two weeks I will be flying to Virginia to visit my son, and I pray that God will clearly show me where He wants me and what He wants me to do.  I love New Mexico, and it has been a home to me for 27 years.  Leaving here would not be easy, but I know there is more He is calling me to do. 

I'm not afraid, though fear assails, grace much more abounds.  

Day 8 - The Great Unknown

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery 

In oceans deep 

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your Name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine.

Lyrics from Hillsong United "Oceans"

(Where Feet May Fail)

Driving home from Santa Fe this evening I was able to listen to part of the Hillsong Conference from Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles being aired on Klove.com.  If you've never had the blessing of listening to Christian music, please take the Klove pledge and listen for 30 days.  Your life will change.  The lyrics above are from the song, "Oceans," and it a favorite of mine as it speaks about the trials of life which seem so overwhelming, but with God in your life, the fear will not overtake you.  

During a pause in the song, Joel Houston gave his testimony about hearing the call of God, and stepping out in that great unknown.  He took that step of faith, moved across the world, but over a period of time, being alone, he began to doubt whether he heard God at all.  As he shared his testimony, he said something that made my heart burst.  He said God asked him one day, "Do you trust me?" Now if you've been following my blog you know that God spoke those same words to me awhile back, and since that time the oceans have risen, and my feet have been a little shaky.  Hearing those words coming from someone's lips almost made me stop in the road.  I knew once more God wanted to confirm those words to me, because the past two weeks have really been a test of my faith. 

Pastor Brian Houston spoke at the conference, and using the lyrics of this song, he spoke about daring to step out into the mystery, not being satisfied with anything else.  How can a person who loves the Lord with all their hearts be complacent, be satisfied where they are?  We need to be alive, spontaneous, never afraid to go where He calls.  I know my feet fail me.  I know I fear at times, afraid to let go of anything that feels safe.  But it's not the life I want to live.  I have always been adventuresome, and just because I am all alone here, without family, or even if He asks me to leave it all behind and take the bold step into the mystery again, then I pray with all my heart I do trust Him and say "yes."  I want my life to count for His glory and bring honor to His Great Name.

Tomorrow the Hillsong Conference will once again air on Klove, and I hope you'll take the time to listen in.  It will change your life if you truly want it to change.  You'll be challenged to go deeper in your walk of faith, daring to step out into the unknown.

Day 7 - Rest is Best

 But seek first his kingdom and his 

righteousness, and all these things

will be given to you as well.

Matthew 6:33

God created the world in six days and rested on the seventh day.  So why do we find it so hard to get things done?  Creating a world is so much larger than anything we can accomplish one would think.

This week my software at work has been on the blitz, consequently once up, I will have a heap of work to catch up on.  Important work, too, as it involves service to people.  I'm getting tired just thinking about it.  I know that I can only do what I can do, but somehow my perfectionist mind does not allow me to rest.  So I beat myself up and work myself silly to accomplish any goal.  But that's not the way God wants things to go. 

In the sixth chapter of Matthew Jesus tells us not to worry about things, like what we will eat, what we wear, and this can be applied to anything that takes our minds off of Him.  Seeking the Kingdom of God and His righteousness is the only thing we need to focus on.  Then our minds are at rest, and in His grace, we can tackle the day to day tasks in our work, school, whatever we are doing.  Again it comes down to trust.

So rather than concern myself with how I am going to get everything done later on, I am going to focus on this beautiful day and enjoy the time God has given me to relax.  I hope you'll find the strength to do the same.

Day 6 - One More Lesson

 Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; 

you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; 

and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. 

When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;  the flames 

will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, 

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

Isaiah 43:1-3

My journey today took me to Mesa Poleo which is located north down into a remote, back woods area. Unfortunately it took awhile before I was able to locate my destination.  I had to back track through the woods back to the highway and down to the service station in Coyote to use the phone.  No cell service when you need it unless you can shinny up a tree!  Later, when I was headed back out of those twisting, turning little mountainous, dirt roads, I took the wrong fork in the road and headed down what eventually became a narrow, icy, muddy road with no where to safety turn around and no sign of a human being.  To make it worse there wasn't any place on the side to assist in turning around without going over an embankment.  After considering my options, which were to keep going forward or go in reverse while slipping and sliding, I mustered the confidence to  turn around on the surface I did have, precarious as it might be.  Praying as I inched the car around little by little, I finally got turned around headed back to what I hoped was the way to  the main road. I was so relieved to see familiar terrain ahead of me, and finally reach the highway.  This isn't the first time I've taken the wrong turn and found myself in a pickle!  Traveling as I do I have to be prepared for the unexpected, as there can be surprises waiting  around the bend.

Each day God shows His faithfulness to me and reminds me that He is always with me.  When I become tense or lose my way He is there to calm me down and set me on the right path.  I would never have the courage to go the places I go or do the things I have to do without Him beside me all the way.  Like yesterday I have to calm myself and listen for His still, small voice, trust what I hear and obey. 

Day 5 - Just Do It

Let your light shine before men.

Matthew 5:16 (NIV)

This morning I headed out to Chama with clear weather all the way.  It's a two hour trip from my house, but I enjoy the driving time as it's good thinking and praying time.  Plus the scenery is so great.  I enjoy listening to Klove while I drive, as the music is always uplifting.  One of the daily news stories today was about a 21 year old girl who went to South Africa and was so touched by the children suffering from AIDS that she wants to return permanently to help them and to share the gospel of Jesus Christ.  So many people are dying daily from this terrible disease, and many who have never accepted Him as Savior and Lord.  This young girl wants to actually do something, rather than talk about it like we often do while we're trying to gather up enough courage to make the first move. The announcer reminded us that God does not call us because we are qualified.  He only wants our willingness to act.  If we think about things too long, we begin to doubt ourselves and enthusiasm wanes.  The Bible says when God calls, He equips. So why do we hesitate?

Africa has  always tugged at my heart as well.  At a very young age I dreamed of going for the same reason, the children.  Only one thing truly stands in my way now...a passport.  Each year I make plans to go to the post office and get it done, but the doubts or other concerns always come in to distract me from the mission.  That's the way it goes in life.  We become too preoccupied or concerned about less important things to follow our heart's desire, or we worry about our abilities, our inadequacies.  And in whose eyes?  Certainly not God's!

Need is all around, even in our own back yards.  We can be light bearers anywhere, if we are willing to share our time and talents.  Even if it 's only a few minutes to visit an elderly neighbor or bake cookies to take to the nursing home.  We don't have far to look if we truly want to see. The reward comes in seeing a lonely person's eyes light up or to see a smile on a face.  Now isn't that worth a little time?  By sharing God's love each day in small ways we can be the hands and feet of Jesus rather than just thinking or talking about it. Want to put a smile on someone's face today? You might even find yourself smiling in return.

Day 4 - Just Thinkin'

God is able to provide you with every blessing in

abundance, so that having all sufficiency in 
all things at all times, you may abound in
 every good work.

2 Corinthians 9:8 (ESV)

The wind is blowing, it is beginning to rain and sleet a little as the storm in the more northerly regions is adrift with snow.  Tomorrow I am scheduled to travel to Chama, but the weather may have another say.  I love snow although driving it in is another matter when the powder is fresh falling.  I have this special place I love to go not too far from where I live just a little over the mountains and through the woods.  It's what I call my "thinking spot" kind of like Briar Rabbit's special spot.  I go there to hide away and crawl up in God's lap listening for direction.  It's a place of peace and quiet, simplicity and grace.  I guess it could be considered my Road to Emmaus.   

So different from my day to day life.  My hope for a productive day was met with continuing computer problems, but I discovered a way to work around it and salvage the day.  Perhaps in not allowing things not in my control to upset me, I can begin to see and use creative ways too press on in life.  When the kids were little, and things didn't always work out, my favorite expression was "modify".  My mama called it making do with what you had to work with, especially when money was short.  In our fast paced, electronic, computer age when machines fail, or we have a power outage, the world shuts down.  The creativity is gone, wasted on an instant fix philosophy.  I am grateful for the lessons I learned growing up.  I don't think there was anything my mother couldn't do, and she passed so much of her ingenuity down to me.  Because she wasn't ashamed to ask for a ride, we always had a way to get to church.  I have tried to pass these values to my children, in the hope they would choose the better way.  I know it's coming.  Promises are true.

My lesson for today is simple and will stay me in anything that comes my way tomorrow.  God's faithfulness true. 

Day 3 - The Bend in the Road

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not

on your own understanding; in all your ways

acknowledge Him, and he will make

your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

My day began with self-doubt and questioning.  I had a great night's sleep, but when the first alarm went off at 5:30 am I slapped it off for another half hour of rest.  It was so cold, and I did not want to leave the comfort of the warm flannel sheets and snug quilts.  Because I didn't get up I had a dream that left me wondering why I had it and what it meant!  Robert Duvall was even in the dream.  Yesterday I had watched the movie 7 Days in Utopia starring Robert Duvall.  It is a story about burying the lies and leaving an epitaph that's praiseworthy. At least that's my simplified version, but I still didn't know how my dream and the movie connected or if in fact they did.  It wasn't a bad dream, just a puzzling one.  All I remember about it was about being left out of a decision someone had made.  Seems like that is the way it is with me.  I'm always being left out of important decisions until they backfire.  Then I'm the one who has to come up with a rescue plan.  I guess it got me to wondering about other decisions I'd not been privy to over the years.  Where wrong choices could have been avoided. Yesterday I learned quite a bit about that, and it left me sad and a bit angry.

My day was not as productive as I had hoped it would be, as our updated computer system was not cooperating.  Nonetheless I muddled through, doing the best I could, and here I am at the close of my day.  I've been asking God what my lesson for today has really been. How can He possibly be preparing me today for the battle tomorrow?!

My phone rings, and I am once more taken aback listening to an amazing testimony, or at least the beginning of one.  Once more the words of truth have touched a heart, and although the road to renewal will be long and hard, the race is on.  When we try to live our lives doing things our way there comes a time when we get so far down the only place to go is up.  And if when you're lying flat on your face, and you decide to take the best path, you hopefully come to a place known as death to self.  It's not easy, but there is always a hand extended to help you up.  On the flip side there's the problem of living life feeling like you never quite measure up, as in my questioning everything I do or have done.  Even with dreams.  It's a journey.

I am still a bit amazed though thinking about that phone call, as in yesterday's "donkey analogy", and it leaves me humbled.  While I can say that although some victories are being won in small ways, the road ahead is still bumpy.  I'm not certain of my readiness to face another giant in the next bend in the road, but somehow I know He will equip me when I face him.  He's also showing me that it's not easy to break free from the strongholds of past regrets, as the shadows have a way of clouding the day.  The accuser will always remind us of misgivings from the past, but God is more faithful in guiding our paths if we just take the time to heed his voice along the way.

I pray my friend rests well tonight; I know I will.

 

Day 2 - Donkeys can Speak!

 We know that God causes everything to work together 
for the good of those who love God and are called 
according to His purpose for them.
Romans 8:28 (NLT)

 

Have you ever felt like your life is small?  As if it has no true purpose or meaning?  Insignificant?  I guess it is normal for one to wonder at times if anything we say or do really impacts life.  I often find myself thinking about how my life has played out thus far in relation to how I thought it was supposed to be when I was growing up.  I imagined things much differently.  I never dreamed grandiose accomplishments, just of a simple life of service to others.   And yet, regardless of the twists and turns, I feel I have lived an amazing life in ways I never dreamed possible.  I feel privileged to have walked the path of God's choosing, regardless of my mistakes.

So here I am at Day 2 of my challenge thinking about how today will prepare me for tomorrow.  Although it is early in the day I have already realized that my life does speak.  Yesterday when put to the test I was able to speak a truth that broke through the barriers of intellect and hit home.  What that tells me is that once again God can use donkeys!  In case you may not recall the Bible story, God once used Balaam's donkey to speak to him to avoid disaster.  So when the Bible says "God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow" take it to  heart.

The interesting thing about it is that I really don't remember the exact question I was asked, and I don't recall my exact response.  I just know that today I found out that God had worked one more miracle for someone I love.  So I am grateful that my life is not a "cliche" of Bible verses I have memorized as a child and use when it is convenient, but that my words are God's words of life, and my life has been seen by others. Regardless of the ups and downs, slips and falls, I have overcome and stand steadfastly planted in these truths.  My life speaks positively, so it must have value.  So I once more say, "Thank You, Father for using me in someone's life to bring purpose and meaning at a time of need.  And teach me to never doubt your love for me and to always trust you."

Tomorrow the battle will come.  How shall I respond?  We'll see.