Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not
on your own understanding; in all your ways
acknowledge Him, and he will make
your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6
My day began with self-doubt and questioning. I had a great night's sleep, but when the first alarm went off at 5:30 am I slapped it off for another half hour of rest. It was so cold, and I did not want to leave the comfort of the warm flannel sheets and snug quilts. Because I didn't get up I had a dream that left me wondering why I had it and what it meant! Robert Duvall was even in the dream. Yesterday I had watched the movie 7 Days in Utopia starring Robert Duvall. It is a story about burying the lies and leaving an epitaph that's praiseworthy. At least that's my simplified version, but I still didn't know how my dream and the movie connected or if in fact they did. It wasn't a bad dream, just a puzzling one. All I remember about it was about being left out of a decision someone had made. Seems like that is the way it is with me. I'm always being left out of important decisions until they backfire. Then I'm the one who has to come up with a rescue plan. I guess it got me to wondering about other decisions I'd not been privy to over the years. Where wrong choices could have been avoided. Yesterday I learned quite a bit about that, and it left me sad and a bit angry.
My day was not as productive as I had hoped it would be, as our updated computer system was not cooperating. Nonetheless I muddled through, doing the best I could, and here I am at the close of my day. I've been asking God what my lesson for today has really been. How can He possibly be preparing me today for the battle tomorrow?!
My phone rings, and I am once more taken aback listening to an amazing testimony, or at least the beginning of one. Once more the words of truth have touched a heart, and although the road to renewal will be long and hard, the race is on. When we try to live our lives doing things our way there comes a time when we get so far down the only place to go is up. And if when you're lying flat on your face, and you decide to take the best path, you hopefully come to a place known as death to self. It's not easy, but there is always a hand extended to help you up. On the flip side there's the problem of living life feeling like you never quite measure up, as in my questioning everything I do or have done. Even with dreams. It's a journey.
I am still a bit amazed though thinking about that phone call, as in yesterday's "donkey analogy", and it leaves me humbled. While I can say that although some victories are being won in small ways, the road ahead is still bumpy. I'm not certain of my readiness to face another giant in the next bend in the road, but somehow I know He will equip me when I face him. He's also showing me that it's not easy to break free from the strongholds of past regrets, as the shadows have a way of clouding the day. The accuser will always remind us of misgivings from the past, but God is more faithful in guiding our paths if we just take the time to heed his voice along the way.
I pray my friend rests well tonight; I know I will.
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