Jeremiah 29:11
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go.
I will counsel you and watch over you.
Psalm 32:8
Proverbs 3:5-6
I have grown restless over the past two years, unsettled even more so in the past six months or more. Last week I suddenly became very aware of my need, and I began to withdraw, without explanation to those who care the most for me. After realizing what I had done, and the harm it may do to further damage my relationships, I broke my silence and ended their suffering. This has taught me to be more compassionate towards the feelings of others who have extended friendship and love. These things are not to be taken lightly, so forgive me, please, dear friends, if you have been feeling betrayed or abandoned, as it has never been my intention to do so. I love and value you in return.
The one thing, probably the only thing, I understand in my life, is that I need so desperately to hear God's voice. He has been my true constancy my entire life, and although the desire has never changed, I have. Over the past months in my desperation to find answers I have turned to others, seeking advice, when the only voice I truly wanted was His. This may appear as being "too heavenly minded to be of earthly good" to coin a cliche; however, the only One who has stood with me through good and bad, who has loved me unconditionally in all my craziness and desperate wanderings, has been my Lord. He is my everything, and I have been abandoning Him!
In my desperation to be "normal" in the world's view, I have separated myself from the only clear voice there is, the only one that satisfies my soul, so I have been depressed and downtrodden at every conceivable turn. I still heard Him clearly on those occasions when the brokenness of my soul were so intense, yet I have ignored His every day plea to spend more time listening quietly. Finally last week in a moment of extreme despondency and agony of soul and spirit, I heard His voice against all the screams of the many tormenting rantings and ravings of my heart. My response was to quiet my soul and listen.
My health has been failing, as the dis-quietness of my life has taken a toil mentally, physically, and I fear spiritually. I love the Lord with all my heart, but I have allowed the other voices in my head to disrupt our sweet communion. This morning wanting so badly to fellowship with other believers I resigned myself to isolation again, but I heard His voice so clearly saying "trust me." So I did as He said, and immediately I knew who had the message this morning for me to hear. Everything I heard confirmed what I knew He was saying to me.
So now I wait in faithful obedience to my Savior and Lord, dedicating time, true time, spent with Him. You may not understand, but I ask that you trust me when I say this is necessary for healing. If you need me I am always here to listen, pray, and be your friend. But if I don't call or respond immediately, just know and trust that I am praying, as no request goes unheard. I will always be your friend, and I will always pray fervently for your needs.
May God continually bless you and direct your lives.
May the Lord bless you and keep you; may the Lord make
his face shine on you and be gracious to you;
may the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.
Numbers 6:24-26
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