Day 121 Thank You, Father...I Survived the Week!

 

This has been a long week, and I still have much to do and think about. Unfortunately, this day is long past done, so I need to settle down my brain and try to rest before another day begins.

My mind is full of so many thoughts. Sharing a few I am feeling, have felt, and am most likely to feel again.

 

When I am feeling most vulnerable I tend to withdraw into myself, crawl up into God's lap and remain there until things make sense. Sometimes that takes awhile, and I think this is one of those times. I am so keenly aware of my aloneness.

Being the cheerful one seems to put a burr in people's posteriors if they happen to notice that the smile that is generally plastered on my face is not present. It's like my feelings, emotions, opinion is all that is important. I personally think the one who feels that way really need to get a life...one of their own. I am learning, have always known, that I am not the answer to a person's prayers. I am simply me, trying to live simply, in a complicated world that revolves around the "I" complex and the $ sign.

 

Not that this is a new emotion.  I tend to fall into this one quite routinely of late.

 

It's interesting to me how people always think they know what is good for me. Answers seem to crop up just for the asking. Funny,  how others have my life planned out. Problem is that I don't really care what someone else thinks I should do.   My focus is what does God want me to do. Waiting for the answer to that one.

Yes, of this feeling I am so aware.

 It seems my life is full of chances I haven't taken yet. I call it my "bucket list, " and I fully intend on fulfilling those tasks with or without anyone's help, companionship, or approval. I need only One approval.

Alas this is not a quick fix for me. Regardless of how I am treated I still care about the other person more than I do myself. I feel that everyone deserves to be heard, and that all feelings are important. I just tend to put others before myself. Guess I am not 21st Century material.

 

I scream quite a bit on the inside. I'm doing it right this minute.

And so I end my day at 1:09 am. Tomorrow is another day, with its own adventures or not!